Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
