I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
