I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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