Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
