: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
