Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
