Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Randomize