glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Just cropdusted the office
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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