I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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