Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
