At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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