My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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