Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
