turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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