Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
