12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
