Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
