he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
