apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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