I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
