Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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