My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
