I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
