Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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