Everything about him screamed your future.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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