I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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