She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
