Dude my mom stole all your condoms
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
