Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
