I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize