I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
