Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
