now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
