Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
