I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
