Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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