i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
