I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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