Betty ford says i'm here all night
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
