Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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