I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
