he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize