She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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