dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
