You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
