I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
