Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
