Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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