His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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