He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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