census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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