are you still at the devil's house?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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