I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize