This house was built for laser tag.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
