I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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