I met the friendliest cop last night
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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