she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
