So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
NoShamevember. You game?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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