i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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