I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize