that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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