And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
