I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
