I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
