Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Your cock deserves a montage
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
