I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
